In the beginning

   In the beginning....When Troy first came home with us the impact he made on us was far greater than I suspect our impact was on him. At first, my 16 year old was great and his heart was in the right place, a month later he was worried and wanting to find him a new home because he feared Troy would steal his independence from him. Was he going to be asked to his friends houses anymore without his tag-a-long roommate? Was he ever going to have a second alone with his "original" brothers and sister to be himself? Would there ever come a time that he wouldn't have to share his room, his clothes, his space with Troy? For a 16 year old boy these are HUGE thoughts! Not only did he have these thoughts and his regular everyday teenage drama but he also had teachers and coaches wondering what was going on with Troy and asking him to keep an eye on him and keep him motivated. How much pressure can a 16 year old take? Along with all the teenage stress and having a new room mate he also had to watch his dad and I go through so many emotions and worries. The amount of tears I shed in such a few short months made me think I was going through menopause.
   After his mom signed the power of attorney giving us the authority over his medical and educational decisions she showed up at his school twice! This is a woman that has not treated him well at all!! A woman that kicked him out because he gave her an attitude and didn't do the dishes when she asked him to!! This is what she said!  She showed up at school during his football practice then again before the Thanksgiving break. She never got to see him the second time because she wasn't allowed to roam around school but was asked to sit and wait in the office and she didn't feel like she was treated nicely so she left without a word to him. She has not tried to contact us to ask how he's doing, she hasn't answered phone calls and even moved without a forwarding address.  The day she showed up at school and the counselor called me to see what they should do my response was, "she is his mother, she has the right but can you ask him if he wants to see her? Can you let that be his decision?" I waited for hours to find out that she left without seeing him. I was a nervous wreck! I paced around my house that day for hours! When he walked in from school I was shaking so hard and so relieved that he came home and was still smiling!! The joy I received that day was comparable to the joy of delivering my children.
   Through the next several months we all have struggled through the changes. Well, not all of us. Our 4 year old and 9 year old have welcomed him with open arms and open hearts! They have embraced their new brother in a way that moves me to tears! I overheard my 4 year old daughter talking to Troys friends during the spring football game. His friends were having a rough time finding him on the field but not my little lady!! She said, "There he is!! He's the one with curly hair!! Look, there he is! He's kneeling down right there!!" She NEVER mentioned the color of his skin! You see, Troy is black and we are white but for a 4 year old he is simply her brother! He's the "BEST BROTHER EVER!!" She loves him to the moon and back again and our 9 year old thinks he's so cool and immediately included him on all his journal entries and sketches. If only the rest of the world would be that open to change!
   I am not going to candy coat his transition into our family. It's been rough! REALLY ROUGH!! At times I second guess why we took him in. Is he going to appreciate the opportunity he's been given? Heck, are we even going to be good for him. I was a mom of 4 children already, how much can he learn from us? Will he grow up to resent us or respect us? Are the decisions we are making for him going to be the best decisions? Are the emotional roller coaster rides going to lead us to a happy ending? I'm stressed, I'm tired, I'm frustrated, I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm afraid, I'm worried, I'm proud, I'm fulfilled, I'm annoyed, I'm just like all the other moms out there that want the best for their children.  I just want happy, healthy, grateful children. I want my children, when they are presented with life changing decisions, to use their heart and love openly and fully. Accept everyone and invest your love in everyone because EVERYONE deserves unconditional love!